Over the past month or so I’ve been thinking a lot about wealth and happiness. In my opinion, they are often at odds with each other. I recently stumbled upon an article about Americans and happiness. It came to the conclusion that America is the most wealthy and work-obsessed nation, yet one of the most unhappy nations. This notion came up again when I was watching an episode of “Bizarre Foods.” This episode featured Cambodia, a very poor nation, as we all know. At the end of the segment, the host stated that even though these people make very, very little (like $5 a day), they are the most welcoming, friendly, and happy people. I absolutely agree, and have experienced this first-hand.
As many of you know, my favorite travel destination is Southeast Asia. For one, it’s very accommodating to my student-budget. Two, it’s absolutely gorgeous and the weather is quite pleasant. But the people are also much more friendly and welcoming than Americans or Europeans. For example, we hired a taxi driver in Bali to drive us around the island for the day, and by the end of the trip he asked us to join him for his birthday later that night. I don’t think I can say that about any taxi drivers I’ve had on my American vacations. And you frequently see this in documentaries and stories like “Eat, Pray, Love.” Though, completely “bankrupt,” these people are willing to share what little they do have with complete strangers.
Not only have I noticed their generous hearts despite having so little, I’ve also noticed their spirits. I remember one day in particular -men and women working in a rice field on a very, very hot and humid day. I go to take a picture, and they smile at me. Or another day in Thailand – we were stopped in traffic and a man riding his moped looks over and gives me a big smile. Caught that on camera too. Contrast that with another time I was in Thailand on a very remote area of an island. There was a white man, clearly a tourist, sitting on the beach reading. I thought it would be a great picture, so I snapped a shot as he read his book. I got a nasty glare in return, not a smile.
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| Smilin' Thai Man |
I know these stories have some underlying “wealth” to them. You have be wealthy and from an industrialized country to do so much traveling, right? Not quite. I worked for an airline part-time working about 12 to 15 hours per week at anywhere from $9.00-$11.50 an hour. Hardly anything to live on in America. But I got very discounted travel. Instead of spending a few hundred dollars on the newest iPhone or buying a car I couldn’t afford just to look cool, I saved my money to travel. I didn’t stay at resorts or fancy hotels. I stayed at modest accommodations. Some even having no running water, no air conditioning, and electricity for only a few hours a day. But those were probably some of the best times of my life.
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| Bungalow with no running water, a few hours of electricity, no a/c, and mosquito nets. |
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| But this was the view I woke up to. |
Anyway, back to America. Being in law school, I hear a lot of talk about wealth. It seems it’s everyone’s goal to make as much as possible. Don’t get me wrong, I need to pay off these crazy-ass loans I’ve accumulated too… But I’m finding that the question is never, “Is this the job or the area of law you want to do?” or “Is this what’s going to make you happy?” Instead, it’s “How much money are you going to make?”
As Americans we are so obsessed with accumulating wealth. Many of us say, “I work to live, not live to work.” Really?! I think we’re lying to ourselves. And after all, actions speak louder than words. And by our actions, many of us live to work. I understand hard work and dedication. How can I not? I graduated from a top university, and well I haven’t been kicked out of law school yet. ;-) I’ve also worked since I was 16, sometimes 2 or 3 jobs at a time. I know what hard work, dedication, sleep deprivation, and insanity means. But my daddy also taught me what vacation means. Regardless of family finances, we always went on a summer vacation when I was growing up. Hell, we still do. Some vacations were more grand than others, but we always got away because… we deserved it!
So, do Americans think they don’t deserve vacations? No, I bet we think we’re more entitled to it than anyone. But Americans probably take the least amount of vacation than any other industrialized country. Get this! Some countries have a statutory minimum number of vacation days! Austria requires 25 days of vacation and has 13 public holidays. In fact, most European countries have a statutory minimum of 25 to 30 days of vacation… paid vacation. Other parts of the world have statutory minimums too such as Brazil, Singapore, South Korea, New Zealand, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and even Canada. Yes, vacation is mandated by law! And these are just minimums. But in America, a country “ahead” of many of those nations I just listed -No such thing exists. (Well, two weeks is typical if you work full-time, but it’s still well under the rest of the industrialized world).
If any of you have had the “luxury” of vacationing in Asia or other places where a lot of Europeans or Australians visit, you’ll be asked something like this, “How long are you in Bali?” Me: “Oh, just a week.” Vacationer: “Oh, a week in Bali. Then where to? Lombok? Thailand? Singapore?” Me: “No, just Bali.” Vacationer: “Oh, this is the end of your vacation? Where did you travel before?” Me: “No, no, this is it. Just Bali. For a week. Before Bali and after Bali, is home in the States. Back to work.” I’ve had a few of these conversations, and I seem to confuse these poor fellow vacationers. No one else but Americans seem to travel for such a short period of time.
Not only is vacation at the bottom of our priority lists, but so is health and family. Work always seems to come before family and health. Most of our waking hours are spent with our co-workers, not our family or friends. By the end of your 8, 9, 10,… 12 hour work-day, you’re tired… exhausted… maybe even a bit frustrated. And this is what the family gets – the left over time, the left over you. The leftovers. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like having leftovers five times a week.
What I’ve noticed about Europe and other areas of the world is that people just look happier. The couples seem to actually like each other and the parents are actually playing at the park with their kids. I often mention this to Europeans when I’m out traveling. I’m jealous at how they seem to have things in order. And a lot of them tell me that they don’t understand how Americans live the way they do, work the way they do. For many Europeans and others around the world, the motto is, “Work to live.”
To make matters worse, most Americans define themselves and others, by what they do for a living. One of the first questions someone new will ask you is “What do you do?” Though a vague question, we all know what it means. And immediately you’re judged. I imagine that “attorney” or “doctor” commands respect while “freelance writer” probably gains some, but less. And “plumber” gains the least of the four. But why? It probably has something to do with the wealth associated with it as well as education, but mostly wealth. Americans also define themselves and others by material possessions… by the car you drive, the house you live in, the latest gadgets you have… and ladies, the bags you carry, the sunglasses you hide behind, and the shoes on your feet. Again, we’re pointing to wealth.
But do these things make you happy? How much happiness does a pair of designer sunglasses give you? How much happiness does a nice, big house give you if you don’t spend much time in it? How much happiness does a law degree or the legal profession really bring? How many attorneys are truly happy? What do the dying regret the most when they look back at their lives? “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” “I wish I didn't work so hard.” “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.” “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”[1]
So, forgive me when I tell you I want to work to live. I want to make enough to pay off my loans and lively comfortably. I don’t want to be married to my work. I don’t want my phone to beep every moment I get an email. I don’t want fancy shoes or purses. I want a LIFE. Because at the end of the day, a job won’t keep me warm at night. Nor will my possessions. And at the end of my life, it won’t be there to keep me company. And besides, what good are money and possessions if I don’t have the time to enjoy them or I don’t have people in my life to enjoy them with? And honestly, I don’t enjoy going to school or working a lot of hours. It’s stressful. I take that stress home with me. Who doesn’t? It’s gotten so bad that I take all my stress out at night by clenching my teeth, then wake up every morning with a gnarly migraine. If this is my future, Lord, show me another way.
So, what do I want to do? I want to explore! There are too many sunsets I haven’t seen. Too many lands I haven’t explored. Too many cultures I haven’t experienced. Too many foods I haven’t tried! I want to learn from others. I want to help others. I want to spend time with my family and friends. Those are the things that make me happy. Those are the things that make up who I am.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with wealth itself, it’s the obsession with it. It’s the “I’ll do anything even sell my soul to obtain it” attitude that’s wrong. I’m sure everyone has heard this one time or another, that is, “Do what you love and the rest will follow.” Or “Do what you love, and the money will come.” Or take it from a Carnegie Mellon graduate who chose teaching yoga over law school, “When you’re doing the thing you’re supposed to be doing, the universe seems to make everything really easy.”[2] Or a Cornell economics professor, “The most important thing is to find something you like to do, because only then will you have the passion to get good at something.”[3] Very few of us take this advice. Instead, we find a profession or an area within a profession that will provide us with a large income and never ask ourselves, “Is this what I love?”
Again, I apologize for this not being a blog about dating. Instead, I challenge you to ask yourself a few questions honestly - What do you love? What makes you happy? If money wasn’t an object, what would your life look like?
Now, what do ya say? Let’s go chase it!
