After years of dating, you’d think I’d have found myself in a better dating situation by now. After all, I’m an educated, attractive, young woman who has
a good head on her shoulders. And, it’s not like I’m uneducated in this subject
– I mean, I’ve spent some significant time in that dreaded section of the
bookstore – SELF-HELP.
The advice from the many books I’ve read makes sense, but I
somehow fail to follow it just about every time. It appears I’m not alone. I’ve
been watching a new series called “Miss Advised”, which follows three women (an
advice columnist, a matchmaker, and a sex expert) through their dating lives.
The advice columnist and matchmaker say that their dating rules work, yet they
can’t seem to follow their own advice.
At this point, I really don’t have much to lose. So, I’ve
decided to do some experimenting by making myself the Test Subject aka
"the guinea pig." I will follow the rules I’ve learned so far. For sake of
simplicity, I’m going to primarily take my advice from Millionaire Matchmaker,
Patti Stanger. And you, my readers, are here to keep me accountable. And, please do so!
THE RULES
Rule 1: Promptly Return Calls
·
This means returning calls within 24 to 48 hours
(this won’t be much of a problem).
Rule 2: Honor Dating Commitments
·
Hate your flakey friends? Me too. Don’t become like them. If you make a date, keep it! Even if you don’t want to, and even if
Channing Tatum calls you up, tells you he’s dumping his wife, and demands he
give you one of those sexy lap dances he seems to do so well.
Rule 3: Let the Man Take the Lead
·
HE calls YOU. HE asks you out. If you become the
aggressor now, prepare to be the aggressor for the remainder of the
relationship.
·
I’ve made this mistake countless times. I have
very little patience, and don’t mind going after something I want. HOWEVER,
that has not done a damn thing for me in the past, and I’d be crazy to think
that the same actions will produce different results.
Rule 4: In the Beginning (first several dates), Keep the
Past there – in the Past.
·
No talk of exes, how many dates you’ve been
going on, how many losers you’ve managed to attract over the years. None of it.
·
This will be a challenge. I like to know a
little about the guy’s past before I bother with potentially wasting my time. I
also tend to volunteer my shitty dating experience. Ooops.
Rule 5: Be Engaging
·
Focus your attention on him, not other guys
while you’re on a date. Smile and radiate positive energy.
Rule 6: Do Not Drink Too Much on a Date
·
Make sure you maintain classiness and mental clarity.
Rule 7: Act Like a Lady
·
No foul language. Sit like a lady. Say “please”
and “thank you.” Thank him for the date on the date. Do not call or text saying
you had a good time after the date. Do not talk of sex too early even if you're comfortable with your sexuality.
Rule 8: Express Sincerity and Appreciation
·
For every four dates he pays for, reciprocate
with doing something nice like making dinner or something.
·
This might be a bit hard because I don’t want to
come off as a gold digger. I think three is probably a better number.
Rule 9: No Sex until Monogamy
·
Also, assume he’s dating other people until he
makes it clear you two are exclusive. With that said, make sure you date other
people. Do not put all your eggs in one basket until HE initiates “that talk.”
Rule 10: Get into the Saturday Night Slot
·
If he has only has given you his Tuesday nights,
you are not a priority. Saturday nights (or equivalent) are prime date nights-
He doesn’t have to work and can sleep in the next day. After he’s given you a
couple of crap date nights, do not settle for anything other than a Saturday
night. It’s your third or fourth date and he suggests Thursday? You’re busy!
You can only get together Saturday night! If he won't budge, dump him.
·
This will also be a challenge because I don’t
like to give up my weekends for someone I’m not sure about either. But, after a
couple of good dates, I’m probably excited to see the guy again and will give
up a weekend night. So, I can let the first couple of dates go, but not when
things are seemingly going well. People who really hit it off want to
spend more quality time together.
That’s all the rules for now. Though, I may add more as I
reread my books. Also, it’s important to note that these rules are designed to
separate the good men who are looking for a long-term relationship from the douchy
one-night stand guys.
As for where I’m starting off… I’m on an online dating site
again. So, I will be using this as well as the real world (hopefully). I have
one guy I’m particularly interested in, and we’ve been on two dates so far.
I’ve actually been okay at following these rules thus far (eh, except the exes- he asked! And, sexuality). However, I’ve
definitely received less phone calls lately. Other than that, everything seems
to be pointing to another date. He frequently wishes me a good day, and has
hinted at future dates. Though, I’ve seen many good actors. He also hasn’t
tried to get in my pants… yet. ;-) The biggest obstacle is getting a weekend
night. He's often out of town on the weekends. But, I’ll keep you posted. As much as I seem to like him... if I don’t get a
weekend night next time, I’m going to have to let this one go… reluctantly. I want a man, after all.
Let the experimenting begin! And, wish me luck!
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