I’ve come across this dilemma a lot lately. Has the time
come to lower my standards? The movie “Think Like a Man” (which was hilarious)
touched on this topic. Steve Harvey suggested that strong, independent
women having six-figure incomes should perhaps lower their standards. “Does he
really have to be your equal?” I was appalled at first, especially after my
sister nudges me, laughs and says, “That sounds like you!” My instinct was,
“Yes! Of course he has to be my equal! It’s not my fault there aren’t more
strong men out there!”
This strong, independent, very successful woman in the movie
was just as appalled as I was. She wanted an equal too! She was faced with two
choices: an aspiring chef who drives something resembling a piece of scrap
metal more than a car or an old boyfriend who was just promoted to CEO and an owner
of a very fancy, expensive car.
As the movie progressed, I began to understand more about
what he meant. Standards involving numbers don’t mean too much. For example,
I’ve recently decided to let go of the idea that the more degrees a man has,
the better to date. I also don’t really care about the amount of money he makes
as long as he’s happy. I’d much rather have a happy man come home to me after
work than a bitchy, raged asshole who takes his frustrations about work out on
me. So, those standards can be
lowered in my opinion because a successful relationship is dependent upon the
character of each person, and not upon what one does, how much one makes, or
how many degrees one has.
BUT… there’s always a BUT! Is there not? At this stage in my
life, I do have a problem lowering other
standards. For example, Christian, intellectual, family-oriented, good communicator, etc. But this also includes lowering my standards to include men who “choose” me.
Maybe this will change someday, maybe not. So, what do I mean by a man who
“chooses” me versus a man who chooses me. The difference is there being a actual choice in the first place. What
makes you feel more wanted and appreciated? A man who is with you because
you’re the only attractive, successful girl who’s given him the time of day or
a man who has the option of many other attractive, successful girls, but
chooses you because you’re you.
Don’t get me wrong. The guy who “chose” you may really
appreciate you and love you. And, the guy who chose you could have chosen you
over the others for very superficial reasons. But as for me, I’d really like to
be chosen when a guy could have just about any other girl because he genuinely
likes me for me or because he was holding out for a girl who has the qualities
I have. So, for now, my standards will remain at chosen, not “chosen.” And, the reverse shall be true: hold out for a man because of his qualities, not because he's the next guy to come a-knocking on your door.
