Please Hold

Since the last post, I went on one other date, planned another with a new guy, cancelled that date, and rejected two second dates.

So, Man D, was it? Upon meeting him, I immediately wasn’t feeling the attraction. I feel so awful when that happens. It makes me feel a bit superficial, but hey, if you’re ever going to procreate, the thought of jumping his bones has got to cross your mind at some point. I’ve definitely dated purely for personality in the past. Let me tell ya, it doesn’t work. You have to feel some kind of attraction toward the person if you want any hope of a future. To me, that doesn’t mean he has to have a six-pack or ocean blue eyes. After all, attraction comes in many forms. But, Man D, I just wasn’t feelin’ it.

About the same time, Man C asked me out again, and I declined. See, I have no problem finding crazy, insecure, or jerky men. The confident, attractive, supportive, God-fearing men… I’m convinced that there’s sign on my forehead that reads, “Normal men need not apply!”

And, remember Man A? Well, he’s texted me twice now. In the first text, he apologized for it being a while since he had made contact and said that a lot had been going on, and hoped I was doing well. After receiving no response from me, he texted last night stating that he felt he owed me an explanation. My first thought, “You mean, had I replied you weren’t going to tell me the truth?” Anyway, he logically explained that he fell off the face of the earth because an ex he had once wanted to marry came back into his life after our last date. But rest assured, she’s gone! Because he found out she was sleeping with one of his friends. And, now he has one less friend too. But, he totally understands if I have already moved on.

So, my second thoughts? “Oh, baby! I’m so glad you’re back. Yes, even after you ran back to your ex who, according to you, has a lot of psychological issues. I just love taking second place, especially when someone choses me only after he finds out his ex was screwing his friend. That's when I feel the most special.” I was busting up laughing when I read his text. “Oh, and by the way, I’m so glad you’re 30 and use text to explain your crazy-ass drama to a girl you still want to have something to do with.”

The most irritating thing is being lied to. I mean, don’t tell me you aren’t seeing other girls and are only pursuing me, then use excuses as to why you go incommunicado as an attempt to keep me as a backup. Have some respect, dude. Here’s a very critical piece of truth, ladies: if he’s not pursuing you, it’s because he doesn’t want to. It’s quite simple. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again - NOTHING will stand in a man’s way when he genuinely likes a woman.

My response to this experiment thus far is that it does make it easier to distinguish the decent men from the losers. As I said in the last post, it’s also helped to reinforce the respect I have for myself. I can’t tell you how good it feels to patiently wait for a man to prove himself… or disprove himself. How good it feels to NOT to throw all common sense aside and dive into a “relationship” with someone you don’t know. It feels so good to leave someone knowing I made no mistakes of my own and stuck to my convictions. It's very empowering.

So, I decided that the online thing has ran its course for now. In 4 months, I graduate law school. In 6 months, I take the Bar Exam.  I don’t need to take on the risk of dating drama during such an important time in my life. So, for now, I’m putting dating on hold.

Man C and Sailing

So, this was the first date with Man C. We planned on sailing, but once we got there, there was pretty much no wind. So, we kayaked instead.

As far as following the rules go, I did pretty well except we did touch on subjects every now and then concerning past dating experiences. I find this incredibly hard to avoid because it usually comes as a follow-up example to a statement. For example, we were talking about work and the time it takes away from the rest of your life. He mentioned he had dated a doctor and never wanted to date one again. Then, sorta explained it. That kind of thing. It's so hard to get around. We're on a date, and we've been shaped into who we are now by our past dating experiences. So, that's something I still need to work on.

On that note, I sorta added another rule, but it’s a minor one. I really think it’s important to avoid being half naked early on in the dating process. And, I’ve seen Patti Stanger on Millionaire Matchmaker scold a guy for taking a girl on a first date where she was required to wear a swimsuit, so I’m not making this up. The idea behind it is that you’re letting the guy check out the goods before making a purchase.  So, sailing, kayaking… it calls for swimsuits! As hot as I was I kept my shirt and shorts on when we left the dock. I did decide to take off my shorts later because I had to go somewhere after and they were getting wet (poor planning on my part). Overall, I stayed as clothed as possible under the circumstances. I know the saying goes that a man falls in love through his eyes, but I really don’t think he needs a half naked body – that’s probably going to give him a boner, not make him fall in love. Let’s be real!

So, how did the date go? Okay, so he’s got a nice car, no doubt. I think a Porsche, if I remember correctly. “But, that don’t impress me much. So you got the CAR, but have you got the touch?” Probably not. I wasn’t really feeling it. He used the words "fat" and "ugly" to describe people including random passerbys. Personally, I prefer euphemisms. I’m not saying those words don’t cross my mind, but there’s probably a more tactful way to go about it, especially when you really don’t know the other person. Ironically enough, I find people who consistently describe others in those terms to have very low self-esteem. On the flip side, power to ya for being yourself – it makes my job a lot easier in deciding whether I’d want another date.

With that said, surprisingly, we were out on the water for a few hours. I know not everyone is perfect, so I put my happy face on and made conversation. I do give him credit for bringing an ice chest and snacks. And, he wasn’t awful. We talked for a long time and I wasn't bored. I just didn’t get butterflies. I just didn’t feel that “click”.

Once I got in my car, I thought FOR SURE he was not going to contact me again. I thought, “If I’m not really feeling it, how could he?” To my surprise, I received a text from him telling me he had a good time and would like to take me out again. Isn’t it interesting how that works? Girl really likes boy, boy sorta likes girl and doesn’t pursue much. Girl doesn’t like boy, boy really likes girl and pursues her. Grrrr! When, oh, when will the planets align?

I'm slightly inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt and try for a second date, but it'll just depend on how I'm feeling that day. Lately, I've found dating to be much less exciting than it should be. Maybe I'm just more realistic. :-) 

Overall, I feel like I’m becoming a lot more confident about my beliefs, my opinions… myself in general. And also, more nonchalant about this whole dating thing. Regardless of whether any of these guys “work out”, I’m learning what works and what doesn’t… what I can handle and what I can’t… which will ultimately lead me to much better relationships. No one has really had the whole package yet, but some have come sorta close, I suppose. But, I'm still young, and I still think I deserve the whole package.

Next up... date with Man D.