The Call of Fall

It’s that time of year. The leaves begin to change into vibrant hues of orange and gold. The temperature subtly drops, and the smell of rain is in the air. The days become a little shorter and the nights, a little longer. Yes, my friends, the call of Fall is upon me.

I suppose my moods change with the seasons themselves. After a cold, cloudy Winter, I find myself smiling while driving down the highway at the warmth of sun upon my skin. As Summer approaches, all I want to do is have some fun in the sun. But, as Fall and Winter approach, I find myself feeling more passionate… and tempted toward love.

But, love is the last thing I need right now. I only have a few more weeks of classes, which means finals are fast-approaching. Not to mention, after finals, I have to study for the Bar like a full-time job, but worse – 8+ hours a day, 7 days a week, for about 2 ½ months straight. Adding love to the picture sounds to me like a recipe for disaster – unless, of course, he’s extremely patient, kind, and supportive. But, experience tells me, “Keep dreaming, sister!”

Practicality aside, I find something tugging at my heartstrings in these months. I just feel more in tune with my emotional needs. It’s a sensual, passionate kind of emotion. Not necessarily a want for the very beginning stages of a relationship – but the part where it’s still somewhat new, though you know each other well and feel comfortable. An affectionate stare. Slow, passionate kisses. Being held just tightly enough that your bodies fit perfectly together like a glove clothes a hand. The need of no words, only chemistry.

And, I’m not talking about hot, primal sex either (though, that probably sounds like that’s where I’m headed). It’s that feeling you get as a result of mirror neurons when watching a romantic movie. Or listening to a song like Edwin McCain’s “I Could Not Ask For More”.

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

It’s no wonder that the vast majority of my relationships have begun in the Fall or Winter. I blame the change of seasons for the sudden surge of emotion. But, for now, it is all it can be – an irrational longing… because, well, the heart isn’t rational, now, is it?

An Unexpected Date and a New Rule

As you may remember per my last post in August, dating is on hold. But, unfortunately, the world doesn’t revolve around me.

So, a few weeks ago, I received an email from a guy who I met online in the summer. We never met because we live about two hours apart. But since we enjoyed talking to one another, we exchanged email addresses. Anyhoo, it just so happened that he would to be in town for work. At first, I already had plans. But, as the date got closer (points for him for giving me a proper head’s up), my plans fell through and I thought, “What the heck… why not?”

Sounds innocent enough, right? As a result, I’m expanding and elaborating on Rule 3: Let the Man Take the Lead (see A Dating Experiment: Me as the Guinea Pig). Anyway, we were to meet where he’d be working, which was about 25 miles away from my house and at a time that was earlier than I would have liked. When I got there, the parking was a mess. Long story short, I told him it’d be better to meet up another time.

Mistake 1: Getting up earlier than I would have normally. Since I’ve been unemployed, I’ve been more of a night owl and well, I’ve never liked waking up early... unless, it’s going to the airport to go on a trip. And, I know, a “date” in the morning? Try to forget about that part.

Mistake 2: Driving 25 miles to meet.

Right move 1: Deciding I was not about to pay $10 for parking, and telling him it’d be better to meet up another time.

To some, I just sound inflexible and cheap. But, dig a litter deeper - having to set my alarm on a Saturday morning for a guy I don’t know and driving 25 miles to meet up says DOORMAT. Luckily, I already had it in my mind that if I couldn't find convenient parking, I wouldn't put any more effort into it. Besides, shouldn’t the guy be shelling out the money on the first “date”? Yeah, you heard me right. It’s 2012 and the guy still pays for dinner... or coffee or whatever.

Sidenote: a lesson to the guys out there, the correct thing to do would have been to meet me halfway… or at least, at a nearby coffee shop. I’m not necessarily mad at him for not “reading my mind” on this… I know he was there for work, but I am mad at myself for going out of my way for someone I don’t really know.

So, my elaboration on Rule 3 is this - letting him take the lead also means letting him come to you… literally. Most guys I know who really like a girl will be mindful enough of her preferences – whether there’s a certain restaurant she might like, where she wants to meet, whether it’d be okay if he picks her up. The answers don’t matter. She could want to swing at some golf balls and eat burgers or  go to a fancy restaurant (though, I’d choose the former most of the time). The point is that he’s giving her options and being accommodating (since he was the one who asked her out a.k.a. being a man).

This also leads me to a new rule:

Rule 12: Let a First Date be Date

These circumstances sounded like a good opportunity to meet, but the proper response would have been, “That’s great that you’ll be in town. If I’m not busy after you’re finished with work, we should meet up.” Simply getting across that you’re not a convenience and would like a proper date.