I think we’ve all asked ourselves this question at one point or another. Maybe in terms of a new relationship, “Could this be love?” Or perhaps, in retrospect, “Did he/she really love me?”
We’ve all been in that euphoric stage at the beginning stage of a relationship – the honeymoon. You meet for the first time and your eyes lock. Something is gravitating you toward this person. You talk for hours on end, and you seem to have so much in common. You might have even gone over that mental “checklist” in your head. Attractive, check. Loves dogs, check. Has a career, check. Loves his/her family, loves to travel, makes you laugh… check! check! check! Over the next few weeks, you go on a few wonderful dates, and each one leaves you wanting more and more. You start to walk around town smiling like a lunatic. You can’t believe how happy you are, and ask yourself, “Am I in love?”
Before you answer that question, I urge you to really think about the difference between love and lust. Perhaps, what we should be saying is “I lust you, baby!”
So, what is love?
Love is patient. The dictionary defines patience as, “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.” So, patience means knowing when to hold your tongue when your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse pushes your buttons. Remaining calm when all you want to do is bop ‘em upside the head to knock some sense in! This is easier said than done. It’s quite natural to lash out at someone when he just said something hurtful. But, being impatient and dishing it right back only leads to more hurtful things. I don’t always “get a chance” to do this, but I try to reverse the situation: how would I feel if someone just said/did that to me? As hard as it is, show the person love by being patient and putting their feelings first.
Love is kind. This one isn’t hard to understand. We all know or should know how to be kind to one another. Say nice things. Don’t put each other down. Help out. Be thankful.
Love is truthful. I can’t stress how important this is in a relationship. How can you say you love someone yet lie to his/her face? I’m not saying you should respond, “Yes” when your girlfriend or wife asks if her jeans make her look fat. But, lying about where you’re going, etc. Even if it seems completely innocent the truth always surfaces, and you’ll have lost some of that trust. It’s better to be honest because chances are there’s a reason you’re lying about things, and that’s the bigger problem that needs to be addressed. So, this really goes to being honest about how you feel. So many times I’ve bottled up my negative feelings about a relationship. Overtime, I become bitter and resentful… never giving the relationship a real chance. Do yourself and your partner a favor, and be honest with one another. There’s always a tactful way to say something.
Love never fails. This is a hard one. The rate of divorce is so high these days. But, I’d like to think that true love never fails. It perseveres even in the toughest of times… when it’d be easier to give up. Talk to any old couple married for 40, 50, 60 years. Not everyday together was like walking on sunshine. My parents have been married for 35 years, and there have been times that I wondered if they’d be better off divorced. But, they cool down, apologize, and realize they’d be lost without each other (mostly my dad). Haha. Whatever the situation, love is unconditional.
So, what is lust? Rather, what is love not?
Love is not envious. I think envy and jealousy go hand-in-hand. In my own experience, this meant competition. When I’d accomplish something, the now-ex would one-up me, “Well, I did this!” This isn’t love. Love means being genuinely happy for someone when he/she achieves something. Spouses should be supportive, never tearing the other down. Remember, you’re a team! Act like it! Slap the other on the butt for a “good job!”
Love is not proud. Has your pride ever kept you from apologizing when you, honestly, knew you were wrong? Pride requires you to put yourself and your feelings above others. It makes you believe that you and your needs are of utmost importance. In a relationship, it’s important to be humble. To admit you don’t have all the answers, and that sometimes you are… wrong.
Love keeps no records of wrongs. Who hasn’t brought up something hurtful from the past? Kept a mental list of all the hurtful things someone said and kept it as ammo? I know I have. It’s human nature to shrivel up and be guarded when someone hurts you, and even return the heat. But, if love is to progress, we need to let this stuff go. Move on.
By now, some of you may have figured out where I got my inspiration. This kind of love is perfect love… and no one here is perfect. However, I believe the closer you are to these qualities I’ve used to describe love, the closer you are to real love. If you find yourself questioning whether you love someone or whether someone loves you, look at your relationship and ask yourself if it resembles this kind of love. If not, perhaps, “I lust you” is more appropriate.
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