Coming Out

Yes, I'm coming out of the closet! But not in the sense you're thinking. This figure of speech has been a reoccurring theme in my life lately. Of course, you've  probably only heard this phrase used in the context of gays and lesbians no longer being ashamed of their sexuality. But a pastor of all people recently said, "We could all learn something from this gay and lesbian movement." While he meant it in the context of Christianity, I'm going to take it a step further and talk about it in the context of identity in general.

Coming out means you're no longer willing to hide your true identity. You are no longer ashamed of who you are. Every single one of us has things we hide from people... out of fear of rejection, lack of confidence, or because we've been broken and scarred. Regardless of the cause, we're unsure of how people will react. We're too afraid to be judged. What will he think? What will she think? What if I'm not the person everyone thinks I am? 

First, think about it in the physical sense. Ladies, do you wear makeup? Do you color your hair? What are we trying to hide? Perhaps, that imperfect skin or that hair color you perceive as boring. I'd really just like someone to think I'm just as beautiful in the morning without the makeup as I am at night with all the makeup.

Now let's look at the gym and working out. While I understand staying fit is a healthy life decision, it also sheds some light on what we think of ourselves. We not only go to the gym to be healthy, but also to change some things. Maybe we'd like a little more muscle and a little less jiggle. I'd say this plays a fairly big role for men, especially. I bet having those muscles makes you more confident when approaching a woman. I mean, wouldn't she be less interested if you didn't have those nice biceps? Would she leave you if you didn't look the way you do? I bet that's crossed a few people's minds. I was even asked in a relationship once if I'd stay if something tragic ever happened to him and he didn't look the way he did then or became paralyzed. What he was asking me was, "Do you accept me for me?" I bet you'd really just like to be accepted for who you are too.

That brings me to the more important stuff... what's on the inside. Unfortunately, we can't go to the store and buy some makeup to cover up that inner defect. It's not quite that easy. Instead, we choose not to share things about ourselves. Or sometimes we get defensive, and don't explain why. Either way we're hiding our true identity. We want to be perceived as perfect and happy. We're not perfect. We'll never be perfect. And we can't always be happy. Shit happens.

One thing that comes to mind is the front couples put on. Have you ever been shocked to see a seemingly happy couple get a divorce or breakup? "I had no idea! I thought they were happy!" We want to maintain the best outward appearance for people when on the inside we're actually crying out for help!

I wish we could all be a little more honest with each other. Stop judging one another. Who likes to be judged? Certainly, not me. And I bet you don't either. I'd even bet some of you are judging me this very moment. But instead of judging, I ask you to be a little more transparent.

How about this? I'll start. So, what are some things in my closet? One, I'm a Christian. That's not news to many of you. But I am fairly quiet about my beliefs. I don't feel it's necessary to preach to people. But I do believe in God and it is important to me. When good things happen in my life, I know why or who put them there. I know they are really just answered prayers. I don't often say that. Rather, I just share the good news. Sometimes, I'm afraid to share what I actually believe for fear of being judged by non-Christians. I really shouldn't be ashamed because my beliefs make me happy. I just want people to accept that I have these beliefs and not be so hostile about it.

Two, I'm hiding behind a mask of fear when it comes to dating. A lot of things in my life are where they should be. I feel like I have everything I need and pretty much want right now with one exception- I have no one to share it with. Again, I feel ashamed for feeling lonely sometimes. I feel ungrateful for wanting more, for asking for more. I feel people judge me as being desperate for wanting to be in relationship. And that mask of fear... I'm afraid that the next attempt at dating will be just like all the others. Honestly, I'm so tired of dating a guy for a few weeks, and it failing. I'm tired of meeting men who pressure me and don't respect "Let's wait and get to know each other." And I haven't been in an actual relationship in almost three years now. I've definitely done my share of dating, but I rarely feel a true spark. And I miss that spark. I miss being able to call someone and share my day with him. I miss being able to call someone to come over and watch a movie spur of the moment. So, yeah, I miss being in a relationship, and I'm afraid I won't meet a nice, God-fearing, educated, attractive, respectful guy. Bottom line, I just want to be respected, adored, and accepted for the crazy, quirky chick I am. And I want to feel in love again. I don't think that's all that crazy. It's human nature to want share your life with someone.

So, there. There's some transparency, some honesty. Now, what's hiding in your closet? What would you like people to truly accept about you?