What a Man Wants

 A bitter woman would say,  “All a man wants is sex.” Of course men want sex, and I may be going out on a limb here, but I don’t think that’s all they want from a woman. And you know what the bitter man would say? The same thing as the bitter woman, “All I want is sex, baby.” I’ve definitely ran into a few of these guys, and I’ve found that these men are more often than not scorn by girlfriends of the past, and use sex as a cover-up. 

That reminds me of a song I heard today - “All the pretty girls involved with me. Makin’ pretty love to me. Pretty pity. I can’t feel a thing. I can’t feel her. Novocain for the pain." (“Novocain” by Frank Ocean).  I’ve heard it before, but it just made more sense to me today. My interpretation is that he’s caught up on this one girl and he feels nothing for these other girls when he’s well… fucking them. See, even rappers write about this stuff. 

Now, I realize that I’m not a man. But I’ve had enough experience dating them to conclude that men want more than just sex. (And keep in mind that I was once that bitter woman ;-)). So, what on earth can a woman give (besides sex) that his buddies can’t? First, a man wants someone to boost his ego. I’ve talked about this before in a previous post ("To Feel Important"), but for those of you who missed it, I will elaborate. 

Ego boosts can make him feel many different ways: Important… Sexy… Smart…Strong… Needed. Yes, his buddies can do a little of this for him, but it’s nothing like a what a woman can do. Think about it - when you meet a new friend, you probably don’t disappear from the world. But men and women alike seem to fall off the face of the earth when they meet someone special. 

So, back to the ego. Men have bigger egos to fill than women. I don’t necessarily mean that in a condescending way… we all need a boost now and then, but I think it’s particularly important for men. Men really don’t get that positive reinforcement as much as women do. For example, men are not in the business of giving each other compliments… not like women. When’s the last time you heard a guy say, “Bro, I just love your hair. How’d you do it?” Or “Man, those jeans look so good on you!” Or “You smell so good! What are you wearing?” To us women, this is completely normal and we get a lot of compliments from our friends... and even from our “frienemies.” We also get them from the opposite sex. When you go out for a date, the first thing a guy usually says is, “You look great tonight.” And you’ll probably hear it over and over.  This complimenting is mostly one-sided for men, that is,  most of what they hear is from the opposite sex. 

And I’m not just talking about complimenting on the physical. He’d love to hear about how much you admire his baseball skills. Or how smart you think he is. Or how safe you feel when you’re around him. Men don’t quite get that much attention when it comes to compliments, but they like them no less. So, lesson one: He wants an ego boost.

Lesson two: He wants a woman! He wants femininity. The gender roles can vary with each guy, but I’d bet that most men would prefer a woman who is clean, knows how to cook, can be a great mother, dresses feminine, and has long hair (yes, most men prefer long hair). Now, this doesn’t mean you have to be a stay-at-home mom, but I think the ability to play those gender roles goes a long way. Reverse it. What kind of man do you like? I know I like a man who can play the gender role if need be. First, I like men who are built like a man. He's got some muscle. Muscle that would be far too gross on a woman. Second, he can also get the stuff off the top shelf for me and can open those damn jars that never seem to want to come off. He knows how to change a tire.  He’ll kill spiders for me (remember the Sex in the City episode where Charlotte dates the guy who jumps up on a chair at the first sight of a mouse and tells her to kill it! That was about the time she put him in "the friend zone."). I can do all those "manly" things on my own, but I like a man to be able to do these things if I don't feel like being Miss Independent 24/7. So, yes, a man wants a woman because well… she’s a woman.

Lesson three: He wants someone to share his life with. Okay, so guys don’t like to talk as much as we do, but they would still like someone to be there to listen when they do want to talk. Maybe he’s had a bad day and wants to vent. Or he might want to see that new Kids movie coming out or listen to soft, sensual music like Sade, but he sure as hell isn’t going to do that with the boys because they’ll tease him for weeks about it. Or maybe he’s really in need of a vacation and wants to spend a calm week away in Hawaii.  Or maybe he doesn’t feel like spending the weekend in bars and just wants to sit home with someone. Chances are that someone he wants to sit home with is a chick.

I’m sure there are a ton more things a man wants. What 99% of them will have in common is an emotional/psychological component. So yes, men have emotions- they are just a hell of a lot better at hiding them than we are.  Alas, I’ll leave you with a quote I heard on an episode of one of my favorite shows:

“There are distinct differences between male and female brains. Female brains have a larger hippocampus, which usually makes them better at retention and memory. Male brains have a bigger parietal cortex, which helps when fending off an attack. Male brains confront challenges differently than female brains. Women are hard-wired to communicate with language… detail… empathy. Men... not so much. But it doesn’t mean [they are] any less capable of emotion.”