The purpose of this blog is simply to ponder the craziness of love and dating. I imagine some people may view this as overanalytical, and I used to feel guilty about my constant ponderances. However, now, I believe it's just human nature to want to date. I mean, it's hard not to think about it. We're constantly surrounded by it. Every time I turn on the radio, it's a song about love. When I watch a TV show or movie, there's always some kind of love struggle at play... even in action movies! And I can't seem to go to the grocery store without overbuying - all the portions are geared toward families. Plus, it's what we're taught to do. Grow up, get married, have babies. Now, I'm not about to run off to Vegas with the next guy I meet, but it would be nice to have partner in crime from time to time.

September 8, 2011

Is it Okay to Date Multiple People at a Time?

I'm not sure I have that answer. I think it really depends on what side of the table you're on and how serious the relationships are becoming. For most of my life, I've just dated one guy at a time. But there have been other times where I have dated multiple guys at a time.

First, let's look at you being the person who's dating multiple people. I don't know about you, but I have a hard time finding people I really "click" with. So, it seems like a waste of time to date one person for a month or two to find out that we really don't belong together. Plus, it's often the case that another seemingly interesting guy comes along while I'm "talking to"/"seeing" someone else. (By the way, does anyone really know what those definitions mean?! Talking, seeing, dating?!) I also like to be a bit busy. I like to have plans, and dating multiple people keeps me busy with fun plans. In a way, it keeps me disciplined with school work. I want to go out and have fun at 8? Well, I better get that reading finished. Otherwise, I slowly waste my time throughout the day... day after day.

But perhaps, the biggest reason for me is that I don't waste my emotions on one person. Dating multiple people is almost like that spare tire in the back of your trunk - if one goes flat, there's always a back up you can rely on. It's scary dating one person and pushing all other potentially good men away in hopes this one "works out." When I'm not focused on just one person, I'm not as concerned if man #1 hasn't called in a few days or is being a bit of a d-bag. I'm not busy trying to figure out what game he's playing or if he's even playing a game. It's emotional insurance.

So, now let's look at dating just one person. First, coming from the other side of the table, that is, the person you are dating... it's kinda off-putting. I'll be honest, when I've been on a few dates with a guy, I really hope he's not seeing anyone else. I'm a Leo. I'm the center the universe (my sign is the sun, so it's true). ;-) But in all seriousness, I'm a relationship kind of girl. If you find yourself on a date with me, I'm probably trying to figure out if you're boyfriend material or friend material.

I also have an awful memory. I find it really hard to keep people's life stories apart. Several times I've said something like, "Oh, that's right! You said you're from San Francisco, right?" Guy: "Uh, no, I'm from Chicago." Oops. So, that brings to me the fact that it's really hard to truly get to know the person if you aren't at least semi-focused on him. I have a lot more respect for a guy who flat out tells me that he doesn't date more than one person at time. Luckily, I think I've mostly dated those guys.  It's a good feeling knowing that he's interested enough to focus on me only.  It doesn't mean I'd call him my boyfriend just yet, but that we can tear down some of those walls we might be hiding behind. I know I've got some of those!

So, I think if you're honest with the people you're dating and just looking for fun, date around. But I'd say if things are progressing with one of those people, or you're not just dating for sport, it might be best just to focus on one person at a time. I think it's finally time that we allow ourselves to be a little vulnerable - not stupid, but human. "If you aren't vulnerable, you won't be able to feel anything."

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