Leading with the Wrong Foot

Well, this is my first post. My purpose with this blog is simply to ponder the craziness of love and dating. I imagine some people may view that as overanalytical, and I used to feel guilty about my constant ponderances. However, now, I believe it's just human nature to want to date. I mean, it's hard not to think about it. We're constantly surrounded by it. Every time I turn on the radio, it's a song about love. When I watch a tv show or movie, there's always some kind of love struggle at play, even in action movies! And I can't seem to go to the grocery store without overbuying - all the portions are geared toward families. Plus, it's what we're taught to do. Grow up, get married, have babies. I'll admit that I'm not ready for marriage, but it doesn't stop me from wanting a partner in crime from time to time.

So, with that said my first topic is "Leading with the Wrong Foot."  My friend recently sent me this:

When a woman gets frustrated because men don't' respect her, it becomes her problem, too. Men can tell how much a woman respects herself by how she dresses. If her sexual value is the first impression she gives, she's inviting the type of guys who want to use her body. They might say or do whatever is necessary to get access to it. But, after she gives in, they often lose respect for her, get bored, and leave. Meanwhile, she's left thinking, "Maybe if I had been skinnier, or had done more with him sexually, he would have liked me more and stayed longer." No, but he may have used her longer. 

Modesty is a bold statement of your worth because it invites men to consider something deeper about you. It tells a guy that he can take you seriously as a woman, because you don't need to make boys gawk at you in order to feel secure. Sure, guys will stare at a girl who wears a short skirt. But none of them respect her. As a woman, do you long to be gawked at or to be loved?

This really got me thinking about what "foot" I lead with. I think the very first thing someone will notice is looks. Let's be real, we're all visual creatures, especially men. I think what you wear sets that first impression. I recently overhead a conversation in the office this past week about what one of the interns wears to court. "Oh, the intern who looks like a prostitute!" Everyone immediately knew her name. I have seen her a couple of times in court, and nothing struck me as "hooker-ish." But it just goes to show how people perceive you by what you wear. I do hate that about the legal profession - there's little room for self-expression. But I do think there's a way to look cute (primary by wearing clothes that are tailored to your body). Eh, that's a topic for another time. But yes, clothing has so much to do with reputation. Are you going to take an attorney seriously if he strolls in with jeans and a t-shirt? Probably not.

Now onto what girls wear out, and in general. I'll be the first to admit, I dress to attract when I go out. Unfortunately, most of that attention is from the wrong kind of guys. But that's my point. If you wear a tight dress showing off your best ASSets, people are going to check it out. To everyone else, it's like, "Hey, look at my ass (boobs, whatever)!" So, as much as I don't want to admit it, I think we (ladies) cause some of this unwanted attention on ourselves. Then we sit there and complain how guys don't take us seriously! Well, how the hell is he to suppose to care what's up there in that brain of yours when you got your tits hanging out?!

Don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean you have to dress like plain Jane. You can still look cute and attractive without super short skirts, hooker thigh-high boots, and low cut shirts. The first thing that comes to mind is what Jennifer Love Hewitt wears in the show "Ghost Whisperer." She's so gorgeous, and classy. I am not at all claiming I don't do any of this, precisely the opposite. And I'm sure I won't change overnight. But it's something to think about. Clearly, dressing a certain way is attracting the wrong kind of men, so perhaps the clothes I wear should say "Classy" not "Fuck Me."

On that same note actions speak volumes. A few weeks ago I was hanging out with a group of guys. One had mentioned how he had gone out the night before and was throwing paper or whatnot in some girl's cleavage. What stuck with me the most was this, "She doesn't respect herself, so why the hell should I respect her?" Great point. "If you want to be respected by others the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect, will you compel others to respect you." -  Fyodor Dostoyevsky. I realize that's easier said than done. Everyone wants attention to some degree, especially us Leos! ;-) Unfortunately, the way most women go about it is by being doormats and letting a guy treat her like crap. But do you really want that kind of attention? The key is to be strong and confident (seems like everything revolves around confidence!). You won't get as much attention by showing self-respect, but when you do get the attention, it'll be genuine.

Well, that's my "rant" for the day. Dress classy, act with self-respect, and the rest will follow.